Arctic Blast finally here!

We have essentially been 'snowed in' for about 5 days. We have made it out for the 'must haves', but that's about it. John has been home for almost a week, and we have enjoyed some great family time. We will be venturing to Sandy in a bit to spend Christmas Eve with my parents and brother's family.

May you all have a very merry Christmas, and experience the joy of the Messiah's coming to earth as a baby. We are especially fond of remembering our out-of-town family this time of year. We wish that we could have our own celebration with each one of you. Know you are close to our hearts.

Baking, baking, and more baking!

The girls and I have had a great time baking. We needed something to keep our hands busy and it was great to deliver trays to some family and friends before the worst of the weather.

Yes, their hands were clean!

These were reindeer cupcakes we originally made for kids in Amaya's classroom. Since school was cancelled, we put them on the trays for the other kids in our lives.

My new nephew!

Introducing Kyler David Bishop! My sister Emily and her husband live in southern California. They have an 18 month old, Jagger, and now another beautiful son.

Emily had a TV movie delivery on December 3rd at 2:43 pm. They arrived at the hospital only 20 minutes before Kyler was born. Needless to say, she didn't get the comfy delivery (are they ever!) she was hoping for, but luckily only had to push for a couple minutes.

Kyler, we can't wait to meet you! You are blessed with amazing parents. I am especially partial to your mom. She is my younger sister by six years, but now my closest friend. It is exciting to be in the same stage of life as her. I know you will appreciate her, too, as you get older. If I see that you are not, I will make sure to remind you just how special she is. I love you, Em.

Christmas Card Pics

Before we headed south to Mexico, one of the things on my list to get done was to get pictures taken of the girls, and send off Christmas cards. We had fun on Thanksgiving Day taking a hundred pictures of the girls out at my parent's house (thank goodness for digital).

We have been homebound for the last few days due to ARCTIC BLAST 2008. My sister-in-law and I were discussing that perhaps the news channels and Les Schwab are conspiring with each other. Having lived in Chicago and being married to a man from Montana, this is hardly an arctic blast.

I have mixed emotions about the weather. It is truly beautiful, and certainly adds meaning to the prospect of a winter wonderland here in the Northwest; however, Amaya has missed school all week, and was quite dissapointed about missing her first school Christmas program, having mom help out in class, and her class Christmas party. The reindeer cupcakes we made were pretty cute, I must say.

The girls and I have had some great time together during the last few days, and I am thankful for the forced opportunity to stay home, and bypass the usual hustle of this week before Christmas. I am feeling better with each day that passes, and am anxious to return to normalcy. The physical pain will long be outlived by the emotional pain that accompanies this experience.

Showered with kisses!!

Blogging has been near the top of my to-do list for quite some time. The problem is that the few things that are actually at the top of the list have also been a struggle to get done. We are in survival mode around here, which I usually detest, but due to recent circumstances, am happy to settle into for a bit longer.

November 20th is when this story began... actually, years before then. I have always struggled with my weight. I am a champion dieter, having tried over 15 different dieting gimmicks. Some worked and some didn't. I would lose weight only to put it back on later. Even in high school, I felt different than many of my peers who were thin and seemed to be without worry.

Weight is all a matter of perspective for me. During high school, I felt very fat and overweight, despite being a great swimmer and water polo player. Now I would give almost anything to be down to my high school graduating weight.

Wrongly, I have felt for years that if I lost weight, many of my 'problems and worries' would dissipate. Since having back surgery in October, 2007, I have gained about 30 pounds... stubborn, stubborn pounds which seem to resist vacating my thighs, stomach, and cheeks (both sets.)

In the last year, my health has worsened and I began looking for an 'out of the box' way to get rid of my extra poundage once and for all. It began consuming my mind. I would think about my weight multiple times every day, and it began crippling the joy I used to have.

I started to consider weight loss surgery. To make a very long journey short ( and readable), we found out that the insurance we self pay for every month did not cover this type of surgery.

Since John is a real estate agent and I am not working right now, we pay $900/month for insurance. Our family has been inundated with medical issues this last year, so most of the time we thank God for our insurance. This time we did not! Frustration seemed to pervade our spirits. Families who have Oregon Health Plan, Medicare, or Medicaid can qualify for the surgery, but we could not. We tried to appeal, to no avail.

I felt like I was left with one option: MEXICO. There are well-trained surgeons there who will perform the LAP-BAND surgery for a fraction of the price it would be to pay for it here.

We got creative with finances, pulled out some retirement, and prepared for a life-changing surgery. If you know me at all, you know I don't make decisions lightly, and so I spent hours and hours online researching and communicating with various surgeons. I narrowed it down and my surgery was scheduled for December 1, 2008. I did a 10-day pre-op liquid diet, and then John and I made the trip to Tijuana.

We returned home on December 3rd, and I was hopeful for my weight loss to begin. All of our Christmas preparation was done... getting a tree, decorating the house, buying and wrapping presents...all by the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

Less than 24 hours after returning home, my pain was worsening, and I began having chills. We went to the ER over at Mt Hood. John thought I would be given some better pain medicine and we would be sent on our way; I knew the process would not be that quick. Walking into the hospital I bet John that I would be admitted for at least a couple of days. He glanced at me, incredulously. Little did we know...

We checked into the ER about 9pm. I was rushed to Good Samaritan to be treated by a leading Bariatric surgeon in Portland. I was in surgery by 5:30am. The results of the surgery would not be made known to me until I returned to my room about 8am. I had several pockets of infected fluid, and my lap band needed to be removed. I was devastated. Still am.

What promised to be a successful plan for weight loss (loss of 90 pounds over the next 10 months) turned into a really dissapointing trial. I have 9 incisions on my abdomen, one which is open and needs to be 'packed' once a day. I am still in a lot pain, and have a myriad of differing emotions flooding my mind.

Dissapointment for the loss of what I thought might bring an end to my struggle with weight.
Guilty for using a lot of money on what ended up being a futile process.
Anger that the doctor in Mexico will not take responsibility for his involvement in introducing a very rare bacteria into my body.
Guilty for 'using up' and taking away some of the Christmas season from Amaya and Tennyson.
Thankful for my understanding husband, parents, and daughters.

Amaya, as she showered my tear-stained face with kisses, the other morning, said, "Mom, you don't have to be a perfect mom to still be the best mommy ever." I love that girl!